Funny quotes

Guru- Gee you are you TM
Give me a pound. Lock it down. Break the pickle, tickle tickle

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
Edsger W. Dijkstra
Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups.
Anonymous
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Patrick Murray

The function of RAM is to give us guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest, most tumescent MEMORY. This is important, because with today's complex software, the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages. So the bottom line is, if you're a guy, you cannot have enough RAM.
Dave Barry

"Seven out of ten people suffer from hemmorhoids." Does this mean that the other three enjoy it?
Sal Davino

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair."
George Burns

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
Oliver Herford

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
Groucho Marx

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
Homer Simpson

"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."
Eddie Izzard

"Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy."
Spike Milligan

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
A. Whitney Brown

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
Steven Wright

"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
Spike Milligan


"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
Steven Wright